


Take Back

by zazajb



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Glam Rock RPF, Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Romantic Friendship, Songfic, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 08:54:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zazajb/pseuds/zazajb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Misunderstandings, jealousy and guilt prompt Adam to write a new song... Words 9200</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take Back

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing, this is a work of fiction based on real people and places.  
> I also don’t own the song which inspired this offering http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dquz4UOiqeY do go and listen if you don’t know it – it’s an awesome song...  
> Mature rating for language.

Take back...

Adam smiled to himself as the familiar strains of guitar floated down the corridor from the practice room at their latest venue. He hastened his step towards the room, hopeful of some stolen ‘Tommy time’ moments – he’d been so busy with interviews these past few days, he’d barely had time to mutter a hello before being whisked off elsewhere for another one and it played havoc with his precious down-time. 

His hand reached for the door handle, an anticipatory grin on his face as he attempted to school his expression into one of a best friend rather than the ‘I’m-totally-in-love-with-you-but daren’t-say-anything-‘cos-you’re-straight’ soppy smile he knew he’d be wearing unless he made a conscious effort to control it. Best-friend Tommy was better than no Tommy!

His face fell as he heard giggles...female giggles – Tommy wasn’t alone. His hand gripped the handle tighter and he drew in a deep breath, steeling himself for whatever might be going on.

As he turned the handle slowly, the first bars of Fever on the bass guitar caressed his ears and sent an instant surge to his groin as he pictured each and every one of those kisses he’d shared with his gorgeous and loyal Pretty Kitty, replayed in delicious slow motion in his head, settling for several repeats of his two personal favourites – Amsterdam and London. Amsterdam had been a killer show on the GlamNation tour – everyone got high and a more than a little drunk and he’d managed to claim several kisses and a long snog on stage, bending Tommy backwards so he needed holding tightly to keep him on his feet as the fans screamed their lungs out. His groin throbbed painfully, straining against the seams of his uber-tight jeans as London rolled through in its turn...

Tommy had instigated the kiss – really, he had - leaning forward to capture Adam’s lips early so a whole line of the song was lost to an extra few precious seconds of Tommy’s mouth against his...this was his favourite of all of them...

The same bars of Fever played again – but it wasn’t Tommy’s trademark sound...it was good though, just different...

“You got it...now try the next bit...” Tommy’s voice filtered through the door and added to the swelling in Adam’s jeans. 

“Is it this?” Ashley’s voice had Adam almost sighing with relief, of course it was Ashley with Tommy, the two of them preparing for the addition of Fever and If I had You to the set list. The band had happily accepted Adam’s decision to extend the number of songs – and these were two of the fans’ biggest favourites from the last album.

If Adam was honest though, that wasn’t his reason at all for the choice – Fever, well, if it meant he got to rub up against Tommy when they played it, maybe even bring the kiss back? He could hope... That was a no brainer choice! If I had You had some amazing guitar sections and he really wanted to see Tommy play them, plus it was one of Tommy’s own favourite songs...

Several minutes of playing had passed and he still hadn’t opened the door...hell, he wasn’t sure he wanted to now – with a raging hard on and Tommy busily engrossed in teaching Ashley the new songs... He released the handle and took a step away.

“You can come in, you know!” Tommy’s voice held an amused tone of fondness and Adam’s heart leapt at the warmth in the welcoming smile as he finally put his head around the door to gaze into those beautiful brown eyes.

“I didn’t want to disturb you...” he smiled back.

“We’re not disturbed are we Ash?” Tommy winked at the bass player beside him “Did you want me?”

“Just wondered if you fancied a walk that was all...I’ve got a couple of hours before my next interview and...” he shrugged. “You carry on...” Adam’s heart rate increased at the tiny frown and the pout on Tommy’s face, as he tossed his head back to get his pink hair out of his face and exposed his neck...the neck that Adam really wanted to smother with little kisses and nip forcefully so he could mark the territory as his...and his alone...

“I can come with you...we can carry on with this later...”

“No, I’ll go lie down a while – it’s really too f-ing hot to go walking anyway!” Nodding, Adam closed the door and walked away, the strains of both guitar and bass following him and his disappointment. Back on the bus he flung himself onto his bed and stared moodily at the ceiling. He’d really thought that the obsession he had with Tommy might’ve dissipated over the time they’d been apart, but if anything, it’d grown even stronger and aside from one very brief fling when they’d been in Finland, with a Tommy look-a-like...cute, blonde, high cheekbones and a killer smile...he sighed heavily...he’d not been with anyone else. He didn’t want anyone else. He wanted Tommy. Fuck! Tommy, his straight guitar player...

His head settled into the well-worn consolation spiel he fed himself daily...Tommy stayed with you when all the others moved on...Tommy stayed...that must count for something...don’t give up... Finally, in the oppressive heat, he fell asleep.

A loud tapping on the door woke him and he blinked blearily at the clock. Fuck! He was going to be late for his interview...he hated being late, despite what his fans thought, as one technical hitch or another delayed the start of various shows, especially the radio shows and roadshow concerts where all that kind of stuff was out of his control...

“Yeah?” he grabbed the clothes he’d selected earlier for the interview and began stripping off his t-shirt and jeans.

“What time’s your interview?” Tommy’s voice was hesitant as if he was unsure he should be asking.

“Now! Fuck! I’m gonna be late! Can you do me a favour and go and meet her....tell her I’ll be there as soon as... I owe you one Tommy Joe!”

“It’s done...” Tommy’s voice was fading as he left already.

Adam took a few deep breaths now that his immediate panic was forestalled, having a quick splash in lukewarm water before sorting his eyeliner, gloss and hair wax, spiking it just so... A final glance in the mirror and he was good to go – he looked good and felt okay too...Freshville was going to be a badass gig...

A blast of heat hit him as he stepped off the bus, making him pine immediately for the air-con and he was working up a real sweat as he made his way over towards the main building. He could see Tommy talking to a security guard and as he watched they both turned away to greet a flame haired woman in eye-catching tiny pink shorts and a white halter neck top. She broke into a run - which was quite impressive considering she was wearing five inch killer heels - Adam’s mouth dropping open as she flung herself into Tommy’s arms and kissed him hard.

The security guard grinned and left them to it. Tommy hugged the woman tightly, kissing her again softly before winding his arm around her trim waist to lead her into the building.

Adam’s eyebrows knitted fiercely, jealousy bubbling up from his stomach to leave a bitter taste in his mouth. Who the fuck was she and what was she doing kissing his Tommy? It was hard enough keeping his feelings reined in on a daily basis, without having to witness Tommy’s lips pressed against someone else’s, Tommy’s hands on someone else’s body when all he wanted to do was scream mineminemine at the top of his voice.

He hastened his steps towards the building, the heat and anger burning into a tumultuous fireball in his belly by the time he passed the security guard and made his way to the room they were using as a studio for the interviews.

The door was shut but he could hear Tommy’s voice and a soft southern accent, both were laughing. They sounded extremely at ease with each other. Frown still in place, he grabbed the door handle and flung it open, his sour expression melting at the obvious delight on Tommy Joe’s face as they locked gazes.

“Adam!”

“Tommy!” the seething jealously slid away and a smile lit his face.

“Kalleigh, Adam Lambert...Adam, Kalleigh Rooster...”

“...as in Rooster Reports? You’ve been championing my album every day with ‘track of the moment’?” 

“Guilty! Glad to finally meet you, Tommy Joe’s told me so much about you...”

A dark eyebrow arched questioningly in Tommy’s direction and the guitarist looked down at his feet, blushing.

Kalleigh laughed “We were High School sweethearts, you took me to the prom didn’t you baby?”

Adam’s green goblins rose at the look on both Tommy’s and Kalleigh’s faces – fond remembrance of first love...mineminemine...  
Tommy stood up hurriedly noting the swift change of mood. “I’ll leave you to it...” he smiled at Kalleigh. “See you before you go, yeah?”

“It’s a date...I can’t wait to catch up...” she pulled him into a hug and kissed him lightly, running her fingers fondly through his hair “I love the pink...it takes me back! God, we had so much fun that summer...”

Adam clenched his fists as the fires of jealousy were prodded back into life with a vengeance “Don’t forget we have extra rehearsals...” he snapped before he had a chance to think. “I’ll see you later...” he nodded, the curt bob of his head summarily dismissing Tommy with uncharacteristic abruptness.

“Kay...” Tommy shrugged, winked at Kalleigh and left the room.

Adam wrestled his feelings back under control once he’d put some distance between his Tommy and Kalleigh, managing to give a relaxed and fun interview, admitting to himself that actually, not only was she gorgeous to look at – hey, he was gay, not blind! – but she knew her stuff and was totally charming and fun to be with...no wonder Tommy liked her...fuck!

Promising to see her at the after-show party, Adam kissed her on the cheek and headed out. He stopped in the doorway, making the most of the air conditioning before venturing out into the sweltering temperature; he felt for his fans, waiting patiently under the searing heat of the sun...the Glamberts were fiercely loyal and he loved them for it...he’d give them a killer show...

He jumped as he heard his name; Kalleigh was on the phone...”Adam’s just gone - he’s everything you said he was and you are so right...” she chuckled, “yeah, I know! So, you said you’ve got a day off tomorrow before the next one? We gonna spend it together TJ? Yeah, we can pick up where we left off...love ya, baby...”

TJ? Tommy Joe? Adam’s hackles rose. Tommy usually spent the days off between shows with him, just the two of them, chillin’, watching movies and all that kinda friendship stuff... It wasn’t what he’d choose to do if he had Tommy the way he wanted him, but, it was better than not having him at all and now Kalleigh was going to deprive him of the little time he had? Not gonna happen! Yes...she was nice, but no way was she going to take his Tommy away from him...

His good mood evaporating rapidly, he stomped back to the bus. 

Tommy was waiting for him downstairs, a cold drink held at the ready. Adam snatched it without a word and drank some, forcing himself to ignore the hurt expression on Tommy’s lovely face.

“You’ve been talking about me...” it wasn’t a question.

Shrugging, Tommy nodded.

“Well, don’t!”

“What the fuck?” Soft brown eyes looked both puzzled and pissed at the same time. “You’ve been saying how awesome it’s been to have the Rooster Reports so behind us...”

“Me! Behind me!” Adam sounded like a petulant brat and he knew it.

“Whatever, dude...” Tommy shrugged again, turning away. He moved towards the door. 

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Fuck, he sounded like a right frigging diva.

“You obviously need some space...” pink hair bobbed slightly “I’ll get out of your way...”

Tommy’s phone rang and he glanced at the caller ID, pressing answer as he waited for the bus door to open “Kalleigh...what? Yeah, I got about an hour now if you...”

“Tommy Joe!” Adam’s voice was harsh and the guitarist swung around in surprise at the tone. “We are going to cook out there today, so we’re all going to rest inside before the show. I’ve got tea coming for everyone...no-one’s going off gallivanting...no-one...” okay, fucking mega-diva strop...shitshitshit...

“Sorry, Kalleigh...we got band stuff to do...” his voice was light, hiding the sudden concern at Adam’s moodswings... “see you at the after..? Yeah, me too...” He hung up and looked over at Adam who was staring moodily at the floor. “You want them in here or over on the band bus?”

“What?” Adam sighed heavily “what are you on about?”

“Tea? You just said...”

“I know what I said...over here...go and round them up...”

Tommy took a tentative step towards Adam, his friend...his best friend he was in love with but too shit scared to tell... “are you okay? only...”

“You going or what?” Adam turned away to hide the sudden tears that sprung in his eyes at the concern in Tommy’s voice.

The only reply was the swish of the bus doors and he was left alone. Fuckfuckfuck... Dragging his phone out, Adam rang across to hospitality and asked for some iced teas, chilled soft fruits and a variety of ice cream, joking lightly with the somewhat awed girl on the phone as she whispered loudly to someone beside her “it’s Adam Lambert...it’s really him!” He grinned, promising her an autograph and hung up.

The bus doors opened and the band piled in. “Great idea, honey!” Keisha high-fived him as she made her way to one of the comfy armchairs. The others dropped onto sofas or into chairs, leaving just Adam and Tommy stood. There was one armchair left...the one Adam usually sat in and he moved over to it, sinking down with a satisfied sigh. Tommy headed towards the sofa to sit next to Isaac, only to have Adam grab his t-shirt as he went past to drag him down into his lap and fold his arms around him.

More confused than ever, his heart beating double time as everything that was Adam assailed his senses and, despite himself, he sank into the slightly sweaty warmth of the embrace. “My Pretty Kitty...” Adam nuzzled into Tommy’s hair, blowing lightly on his neck to draw a giggle from between soft lips as the others laughed.

A tap on the door announced the arrival of the refreshments, Brian letting the two blushing girls in. They giggled nervously as they set the various drinks, fruit and ice-cream out on the table, finally swooning when Adam insisted they have a photo with him and Tommy which Brian took using the girls’ phones and then everyone signed a picture for them. They left, chattering excitedly.

The mood on the bus was one of fun, fondness and laughter, Adam keeping a tight hold of Tommy as he fed him blueberry ice cream, the guitarist so acutely aware of keeping his desire under control that he failed to notice Adam’s own squirming as trousers became uncomfortably tight from having Tommy wriggling in his lap. 

When Adam got up to ‘air guitar’ with Ashley as she played the bass for Fever, Tommy flopped down next to Isaac, nudging him to get his attention as everyone laughed at Adam’s attempts to look convincing...failing in spectacular fashion “Have you noticed anything odd going on with Adam?”

“Other than he can’t play an instrument to save his life? Not even an ‘air’ one!” Isaac shook his head, grinning.”Seems on top form to me...” he tilted his head as Tommy frowned “you think there’s something wrong?” They both gazed at the boss who was now trying to copy Ashley’s trademark neck popping walk which resulted in him looking more like a distressed chicken with a bad limp!

“Not sure – he’s been on and off with me today...y’know, all close and friendly one minute and biting my head off the next. He got really pissy when I said ‘us’ as a group rather than ‘him’ as the star...and that’s so not like him as he’s the one that fights for the recognition of us all...” he sighed “I’m worried about him...”

They gazed at Adam who was now demonstrating his conducting skills...another epic-fail in the list of alternative careers to avoid should he ever decide to quit singing! The V-Jay-jays were laughing so hard they were crying and Brian couldn’t speak for choking. Adam finished with a flourish and took a bow to thunderous...well, okay, good humoured, applause. Grinning broadly, he trooped back to his chair and sat down, panting lightly from his energetic endeavours. Leaning towards Tommy, he reached out and entwined their fingers before tugging him back into his lap.

As Adam’s arms wrapped themselves back around the trim bundle of guitarist, Isaac grinned widely and gave him thumbs up. Tommy gave up the confusion in his head and lost himself to the unexpected pleasure of being cuddled up in Adam’s arms...a favourite dream of his from many a lonely night in his tiny tour bus bunk...

“Hey Tommy!” he looked up through his hair as Reyna snapped a picture. He grinned and she took another. 

“Hey baby...” soft words whispered into his ear and he turned his head to meet Adam’s gaze, drowning in those crystal blue depths so that everything else around him faded away. All he knew was he wanted to kiss him...really really wanted to...

A hint of a delighted smile curved Adam’s lips and before either knew what was happening, their mouths were pressed together in the sweetest kiss...it was everything Tommy had ever dreamed it would be, tongues sliding shyly against each other as they reacquainted themselves with the taste and feel of the other before mapping the interiors of each other’s mouths...

It was different from their show kisses, each of which Tommy had re-lived so many times in his head, especially Amsterdam – he’d been a little high and a little drunk, but not enough to forget several hot hard kisses and a knee-melting, back-bending snog that had put him on a different kinda high for weeks...   
London was his other favourite...he’d been on a bit of a hyper-buzz all day, his insomnia was terrible and several [very good] coffees and a can of Five-hour energy had him really flying. Adam had been swaying provocatively in front of him, those perfect lips tantalisingly close...so he’d leant forward and stolen a whole line of the song and the fans had gone wild!

“Awwwwww so cute!” Reyna continued to snap away as they surfaced, eyes fixed on each other, lips just a millimetre apart as they drew breath. It was as if time had suspended for one moment...their moment...

The spell was broken as cushions were slung at them among the whistles and cat calls. Adam grinned and squeezed tightly before glancing at the time on his phone. “Sorry guys, time to get the show on the road...” he held on briefly, burying his face in Tommy’s hair and inhaling “I had fun today...we need to do this more often” he whispered as the others piled off the bus, laughing and shoving each other playfully. He pressed a gentle kiss to the side of Tommy’s neck “stay with me tonight at the party? You and me...just like we used to...” Liquid blue eyes locked with huge soft brown ones as Tommy nodded, mesmerised...floating...

He slid off Adam’s lap as they both stood up. 

“Tommy?” 

“Yeah?” He paused, about to step down off the bus to go and get ready.

“I’ve missed you...” the smile outshone the blazing sun outside.

Tommy grinned as his stomach was suddenly invaded by a million winged creatures all swooping a loop-the-frigging-loop... “Me too...” Leaping down, oblivious to the heat, Tommy skipped along to the band bus and bounded on board. The others were gathered around Reyna, their mouths gaping open as they looked at her   
phone. “Hey guys..! What?” as they all turned to grin at him.

“Oh baby...you are such a hot Pretty Kitty!” Keisha giggled and held her hand out. “You have got to see these...”

“Oh, fuck! Man these are...I mean...”

“Shit hot!” Isaac draped an arm around Tommy’s shoulders as he flicked past photo after photo of Adam and Tommy, touching, kissing and simply gazing at each other.

“Send me please?” Tommy gave the phone back to Reyna

“On their way, honey...you guys are so hot together, y’know...”

Tommy blushed “we’re friends...good friends...” but fuck, I want more he added silently in his head. He ran his finger lightly over his lips, closing his eyes briefly as he reran the kiss...missing the glances between his bandmates – they could see it so clearly – it was only Adam and Tommy who just didn’t seem to get it! 

Brian clapped his hands together. “Showtime people, we gotta set this place alight, right?”

Multiple screams of enthusiasm drowned him out and everyone fell into their well practiced preparations.

It was unbearably hot out on stage, even the vast expanse of water behind them was still as if it was too hot for it to move. Adam had more iced teas brought out for everyone and they sipped at these gratefully. But temperature aside – and Adam in shorts...a sight never seen before on stage! – it was an amazing night. As he joked with the crowds about bringing outdoor air-conditioning, Adam had gasped for breath, turning around to glance back at Tommy to check he was ready for their next number to see his sexy pink-haired guitarist with his arms bent behind his head as he stretched in the heat, the short-sleeved top he was wearing displaying his tats in the most provocative pose he’d ever seen... For a moment, he was lost, suddenly blurting out “hot...so damn hot!” in a throaty growl. Everyone had laughed, assuming he was referring to the weather, as his head saved the view of Tommy for future enjoyment...on his own in the shower where his right hand could show proper appreciation for the image...

The show was one of the best so far; Adam was energetic, voice pitch perfect, generous with his time and attention on each of his band members. For Tommy there were numerous touches, rubs, looks and winks as Adam moved in close at every opportunity, even sharing Tommy’s drink so that their lips seemed somehow connected... At one point Adam had thrown his head back and closed his eyes and Tommy had gone hard at the sight of the light sheen of sweat on Adam’s skin that made it glisten and he wanted to lick and nip his way down that throat, branding him as Tommy’s...so lost in the daydream that he missed the first couple of notes of the next song!

In the band introductions, he draped an arm around Tommy’s shoulders, pressing in closer “...on the guitar...the Pretty Kitty, Mr Tommy Joe Ratliff...” He squeezed his arm before stepping back as Tommy made his Fender sing...

“Lovely...” Adam grinned and winked “...really lovely...” before he moved across to introduce Brian. 

Tommy’s face lit up in a delighted beaming smile as Isaac gave him double thumbs up and mouthed something Tommy couldn’t quite make out, but whatever it was, it set Isaac and Ashley off giggling and Tommy chuckled, stepping back to his spot on stage ready to continue the song...

When they’d finally finished and the audience had cheered themselves hoarse, they filed off the stage, Adam pulling Tommy into his embrace. “You were amazing out there...” he pressed a kiss to Tommy’s temple “so, we ready to party? You and me against the world, yeah?”

Tommy’s mumbled reply was lost against Adam’s neck and drowned out by the teasing comments from the others. Flipping them the finger, Tommy tucked in under Adam’s arm and they went off to join the after show festivities. Tommy didn’t usually dance, but with the warmth of Adam’s breath against his ear as he asked so prettily, he found himself bumping and grinding on the dance floor, getting a little drunk and more than a little bold as he rubbed himself against Adam’s body, clinging tightly. At the rate the evening was going, it was in danger of eclipsing both Amsterdam and London...

That was until Kalleigh showed up. To be fair, none of it was her fault...

She’d changed into white jeans and a clinging black silk top, her hair framing her lovely face, as she tapped Tommy on the shoulder. “Hey baby, you got a dance on your card for me?” She smiled sweetly at Adam “Can I steal him from you for a bit..?”

Adam froze and frowned, his eyebrows knitting over eyes that gleamed possessiveness. He looked down at Tommy “he’s happy here...”  
Tommy lifted his head from Adam’s shoulder “one dance won’t hurt?” he slurred slightly from a combination of zoned out senses and too much alcohol, wriggling out of Adam’s tight hold...

Kalleigh beamed at him as she wrapped him into a hug and steered him away from a seething Adam. “Awesome show tonight...”she called as the crowd swallowed them up.

Staring at the place where Tommy had been, Adam’s jealous rage built to irrational proportions and he stalked off, telling anyone who asked as he wove between them that he was tired and turning in. Back at his bus he poured a large glass of Jack and downed it in one, relishing the burn as it slid down his throat. Two more followed until he passed out on his bed, still in his clothes.

When Tommy insisted after three tracks that he needed to get back to Adam, his boss was nowhere to be seen. Kalleigh brushed aside his suggestions that he should go look for him, pulling him back on to the dance floor...

Staggering back with the rest of the band just after two am, Tommy was too wasted to even think about finding Adam, stripping his clothes rapidly and collapsing into his bunk to fall asleep in moments.

He was woken by Isaac shaking his arm apologetically “sorry man, but Adam’s been shouting for you for half an hour. He says don’t you answer your phone?”

“Yeah, I bet he did! You missed a few F’s out there, but I appreciate the thought! Oh, shit!” Tommy’s phone vibrated in his pocket and he dragged his jeans towards him, fumbling to pull the offending tech out and thumb the answer.

“About fucking time! Get over here, now...” Adam hung up.

“Shitshitshit!” Scrambling into his clothes, Tommy ran a hand through his sleep mussed hair. He felt like crap and Adam was pissed with him. Fuck!

A cool glass was pressed into his hand and he looked up gratefully as Isaac handed him water and Ashley popped a couple of asprin from their silver bubble wrappers.

“Thanks guys” he washed the pills down, grimacing at the bitter taste as one snagged in his throat. “Now to face the music...” he paused before stepping off the bus “what did I do to get him so fucking riled?”

They shrugged and shook their heads, sympathetic glances passing between them as the doors closed behind him. “If he doesn’t know...” 

Tommy climbed up onto Adam’s bus, head thudding and mouth feeling like the bottom of a bird cage. He so didn’t need this right now – whatever this was about.

“Explain yourself...” Adam appeared behind him. His clothes were perfect, eyeliner and gloss in place and aside from the dark circles under his eyes, he looked as fucking gorgeous as ever. Tommy’s heart melted despite his confusion at the harsh tone.

He turned around, bewilderment in his brown eyes “I don’t understand? If I’ve upset you..?”

“You were supposed to be with me last night...” Adam leant forward to hiss angrily “you left me alone to dance with her...” his nose wrinkled “You smell like her and you’ve got lipstick on your fucking cheek. You couldn’t even wash the stuff off your face before coming here...for fuck’s sake Tommy...” Eyes flashed dangerously as jealously ruled his heart and all he could see in his irrational head were images of Tommy wrapped around Kalleigh, their lips pressed together... 

“That’s not fair!” Tommy retaliated, the pounding in his head stoking the spark of rebellion at the unjustness of the accusation. “I came back after three songs and you’d fucked off. For all I know you’d found yourself a pretty arse for the night...” his expression leaving Adam under no illusions that Tommy knew all about Finland.

“Who I fuck is none of your business...” Adam spat fiercely

“Who I fuck is none of yours...”

“You’re not my keeper...you’re just my guitarist...” Adam’s voice rose “you’re fucking her?”

“I used to be your friend...” Tommy yelled at the same time, glaring daggers as he moved towards the door. “Fuck this, I’m not doing this any more...”

They squared up to each other, red mist settling firmly over them both so their comments were barbed and thoughtless, each landing numerous stinging verbal blows that would hurt long after their anger had died away. 

The doors swooshed closed as Tommy stomped away. Adam swore profusely long after he’d gone, suddenly sinking down into his armchair as the adrenalin that had fuelled his fury evaporated to leave him drained. His unwilling head replayed the encounter and he whimpered at the hurtful things they’d screamed at each other...Tommy...come back...I’m sorry...

He pulled his phone from his pocket and pressed #1 on his speedial. It rang twice before he got the busy tone. A repeat got the same response. Tommy wasn’t going to answer him. Curling into a ball in his chair, the chair that he’d kissed and cuddled Tommy in less than twenty-four hours earlier, Adam closed his eyes as tears ran down his cheeks...fuck, Tommy, I’m so sorry...

The others had heard most of the row – they’d have had a hard job not to, the volume they were yelling at it was a miracle no-one else had heard – the last thing they needed was for this to hit Twitter or something... Brian volunteered to go and see Adam once they’d given him a chance to cool down, Isaac took off after Tommy.

Brian came back to report that there was no reply from Adam’s bus and his phone was switched off, Isaac returned a couple of minutes later to say that Tommy was nowhere to be found. Shrugging their shoulders they sorted out breakfast and tried to enjoy their rest day but a sombre mood had settled over the camp as they wondered where the two men were and what the outcome of the row would be...

Two hours later, Adam appeared. He looked like shit and had a mood on him like nothing they’d ever seen before. “Is Tommy here?”  
“Sorry, boss, not seen him since...um, for a bit...”

“If anyone talks to him, tell him band practice in an hour. I want to go over the new songs on the set list...” He nodded tersely and turned on his heel, returning to his own bus to prowl moodily as he watched the minutes tick slowly past. He looked out across the parking lot as a tiny figure with a mop of pink hair climbed out of a car and slouched towards the band bus. The car drove away without him looking back. Tommy vanished into the bus with fifteen minutes to go before practice.

Adam slumped down into his armchair and closed his eyes. When had it all gone so wrong? His stupid fucking diva outbursts and jealousy...now he’d really fucked it up...he’d lost Tommy for good...

Over on the band bus, Tommy had found himself hugged to within an inch of his life as he was passed from one to another. Finally, Reyna, the last to hug him, released him and looked at him closely. “Someone get him something to eat and drink...” she cupped his cheek, brushing a thumb over the stubble from his lack of a shave, noting the red-rimmed, bloodshot puffy eyes “you look like shit, baby. What the hell happened? Where did you go – we were worried...”

Resting his head on her shoulder, warm and reassuring Tommy stifled a sob as he re-lived the things Adam and he had screamed at each other. “He got pissy because I danced with Kalleigh for a couple of tracks...I don’t know why he’s so fucking on my case all the time...it’s like I’m not allowed my own life...” he took the chicken sandwich Ashley held out and sat down. “How long have I got before practice? I didn’t know we had anything today...” Taking a huge bite, he chewed hungrily and washed it down with a mouthful of the orange juice Keisha had set on the table in front of him.

“We’ll stall, but you got about five minutes...” Brian shrugged lightly “he’s in full diva-strop mode...hell, man, I aint never seen him like this before...”

“Sorry guys...it’s my fault and now I’ve fucked up your rest day...”

“No, man, it’s not your fault and whatever’s up we’ll sort it together...the Glamily sticks together no matter what, you got that Mr Badass Guitarist?” Isaac nudged Tommy’s knee, the declaration drawing nods of agreement from everyone.

“Thank you...” Tommy’s whisper was heartfelt and reminded him why he loved these people...his family... He finished the sandwich and drained the glass of juice as 

Adam stopped just outside the bus and rapped on the side.

“Time...” he moved away as the others exchanged glances over Tommy’s head. Seemed the foul mood was still firmly in place. Grabbing their gear, they headed over to the practice studio that Tommy and Ashley had been working in yesterday.

After several run-throughs it was painfully obvious that nothing was going to please Adam today – perfection was achieved on the third attempt but he complained that Tommy was off the beat...then that Tommy was off key, then that Tommy was in the wrong place...well, they got the message – Tommy could do no fucking right...  
Adam called a halt yet again, crowding up close in Tommy’s space “Are you determined to fuck this up completely? What’s your problem, Ratliff? Too fucked out from last night?” He looked around at the others “Okay, you can all go, Tommy’s going to practice some more until he can do it without fucking up...”

No-one moved. Adam glared around, not used to being disobeyed. “Well, what the fuck are you waiting for?”

“We’re all doing this together – we’re a band and we’ll get it right together...just trust us, Adam...we won’t let you down...” Brian spoke quietly, his eyes flicking from Adam to Tommy and back again.

Whatever he was expecting, it wasn’t the response he got; Adam’s eyes filled with tears and he mumbled “I’m sorry...really sorry...” before fleeing the room, leaving them all open mouthed.

Keisha put her hands on her hips “he’s in a real bad place at the moment...let’s give him some space and run through both songs once more, yeah? Let’s do him proud...”

The response was musical and they fell into Fever, every note in place, followed by If I had you, which they played twice more until they were happy with it.

Adam leant against the wall outside the studio with tears running down his cheeks he’d fucked up so bad...Tommy...he still wanted him, more than ever but Tommy wasn’t even his friend any more...all because he’d been a fucking stroppy jealous bitch... As the band began to pack their gear, he moved away and hurried back to the bus.

A rush of scurrying around and they were back on the road, heading to their next stop on this mini-ish promotional tour. Tommy crawled off to his bunk and slept, exhaustion overtaking the worry and frustration that would certainly see his insomnia in charge in the days to come.

The others did their usual...played cards, watched movies, talked in quiet voices about two infuriating men who couldn’t live without each other, yet were oblivious to the solution...

In lonely solitude, Adam paced until he felt he could’ve worn a path into the floor of his bus. Usually he had Tommy’s company when they travelled...you’ve really fucked up this time Lambert...as he went over and over the row in his head until, worn out from pacing, thinking and his broken heart, he fell onto his bed and cried himself to sleep.

Sound check at the new venue was a little strained after his outburst and Adam was careful not to get too close to Tommy or even look at him too hard, not wanting to upset things any more than they already were. Truth be told, he’d give anything to haul his guitarist into his arms and kiss him into oblivion and beg his forgiveness...even if he couldn’t have Tommy completely, he missed his friendship, easy company and the closeness they used to have.

Tommy caught Adam’s gaze as they took their places, hurt flooding his soft brown eyes as Adam averted his eyes hurriedly as if he couldn’t bear to look at him...I really have fucked this up, now he can’t even look at me... For the rest of rehearsal, Tommy kept his head down and concentrated on the music, playing a perfect set for the four tracks they sound checked...

“Good job everyone, we’ll blow them away tonight!” Brian clapped Isaac and Ashley on the back as they filed out, Tommy tucked in close in between Keisha and Reyna as they all headed back to the buses to chill before the show.

Once again Adam found himself alone and wishing he could start over.

The show was a superb success and the audience screamed themselves hoarse over the addition of the two old favourites from the GlamNation tour. Adam had gone back to back with Ashley during the initial lines of Fever...his Tommy lyrics as he always called them...which kinda suggested the whole interaction was with the bass and if the fans were disappointed they didn’t show it – he was the disappointed one, yearning for Tommy like a lovesick teenager...fuck!

For the band intros during Cuckoo, he managed to stand behind Tommy so he didn’t have to look him in the eye, although the temptation to bury his hands into that pink hair and tug Tommy’s head back so he could crash their mouths together was so strong it made his fingers tingle... He resisted, the thought of public rejection enough to curb the desire although desperation still burned hotly in his belly.

“Awesome, baby, just awesome...that top note...fucking amazing..!” Brian draped one arm around Adam’s shoulders and the other around Tommy’s as they caught up with him, both men glancing at each other warily before looking quickly away. In the middle, Brian grimaced...they weren’t going to make things easy for them it would seem. He considered stepping back and banging their heads together – it might not solve anything but it’d make him feel a whole lot better! 

The after show party was just getting started when they made their way backstage. Glancing around awkwardly, the band were secretly relieved when Adam went off to do an interview almost immediately, leaving Tommy an easy exit. He grinned tiredly and shook his head, declining their invitations to dance or simply sit and chat, returning to the bus to a lonely glass of Jack and the TV remote. 

After flicking through umpteen channels, he rejected everything and stuck it on standby. Sighing heavily he dragged his fingers through his hair and glanced around. The band bus was like a huge family home...the Glamily home, but he missed the more austere lines of Adam’s less cluttered space who was he kidding, it wasn’t the friggin’ bus he was missing! The ache in his gut intensified as he replayed tonight’s Fever and Adam’s back roll with Ashley, a surge of possessiveness washing over him, that song was his...his and Adam’s... He sighed again, blinking back what felt suspiciously like tears from the corners of his eyes. Okay, cry like a lovesick puppy...kinda ironic for a Pretty Kitty! Scowling fiercely, he stalked to his bunk and threw himself into it, staring up at the ceiling. 

Five minutes later he was prowling again, this time his hands found their way into the instrument locker and he pulled out one of his guitars. For the first time since their argument, he felt in control, his fingers strumming the notes for Fever as he replayed London in his head...

Outside, Adam bit his lip as he wrestled with his emotions, wanting to go in, yet afraid of rejection... Coming back after his interview, resigned to a lonely night in with the TV, the last thing he expected to hear was the strains of their song. Peering through the window, he watched Tommy strut with his guitar, pink head bobbing as he immersed himself in the rhythm. He wanted him so badly...had to find a way to fix it... He ducked down as Tommy swung around, not wanting to be caught spying, peeking cautiously back through the glass to see Tommy’s eyes were shut as he swayed and ground his hips against an imaginary stage companion...him...Tommy was pressing up against him!

Despite all their troubles Tommy was still wishing they were together on stage...Adam’s face broke into a soppy grin and he watched for a few moments more before moving over to his own bus. Suddenly he knew exactly how he was going to make it up to Tommy...his best friend...the man that he loved, even if Tommy couldn’t love him back...

Back on his bus, he sorted out pen and paper, a glass with ice and the bottle of Jack and his phone ready to record. Sticking his earphones into his ears he poured his heart out on paper...

Tommy had finished his solo performance re-living his favourite GlamNation moments and had dropped into a chair nursing his glass with one hand and a raging hard on with the other. As Adam hummed and riffed and scribbled next door, Tommy drained his glass and took himself off for some serious relief in the shower...

The others climbed back on board, relaxed and laughing to find a chilled and sated Tommy sprawled face down on the sofa, favourite pj pants slung low on his skinny hips as his ipod played through his Hendrix collection. The band reunited, they poured shots and clinked glasses, the mood one of fondness and contentment. After hugs all round they all fell into their bunks ready for an early start in the morning as they headed towards one of their favourite gigs – Fantasy Springs was always a fabulous show and they all looked forward to it...

Adam worked on into the night.

The following morning they were up and packed by seven and on the road by half past, heading across the state. Adam had rung and asked Brian to have breakfast with him, the MD coming back with sheets of music for them to practice for a new band segment “Adam wants us to be more prominent – he’s going to have a costume change and we’re going to be running the show! Hell, this is gonna be fun!”

The journey flew by as they got to know the new tune, it was catchy and had something to showcase each of their own particular skills. At the stop for lunch they drew straws to see who went to the counter, Tommy getting the short straw...which was no surprise to Brian who’d rigged the draw! As Tommy queued with Reyna who’d volunteered to help him, Brian filled everyone else in on the plan...

Adam joined them in the queue, careful to keep a respectful distance between himself and Tommy, missing yet again, the hurt expression in those sad brown eyes. Reyna squeezed Tommy's arm and whispered in his ear, reassuring him that it would all work out...seemed she’d had no problem working out Tommy’s feelings and he was grateful when she didn’t give him a hard time for not telling them he wasn’t exactly as straight as everyone thought! As for Adam, he remained oblivious as far as they could tell.

His order filled, he nodded and headed back to his solitary confinement to rehearse and refine the song...

By the time they arrived at Fantasy Springs it was late afternoon and everyone was hot, sticky but happy with the song. Tommy declined the offer to explore and took to his bunk for a nap, Brian having offered to do the sound check with Adam...

Everyone was in place, set list was taped to the floor and with the first strains of Trespassing, the audience screamed fit to raise the roof, the staff and guests in the front row VIP seats somewhat bemused at the reception for someone they clearly didn’t know too much about.

From Trespassing, they went straight into Kickin’ in and Tommy was really enjoying himself. He’d had a ‘break a leg’ message from Kalleigh and Adam had given him a ghost of a smile as they’d waited in the wings to take their places... Adam was on top form tonight, giving it everything – buzzing with energy as he bounded around the stage...

Next on the list should’ve been Shady and Tommy was adjusting his guitar for the slight key change when Adam started getting arsey with the people in the VIP seats for not getting into the music and the downright disdainful expressions on their faces. If they didn’t like his music why the fuck had they come to the show? Free fucking tickets, that’s why...fucking freeloaders...it pissed him off when his fans had to save hard to buy theirs...

Adam backed off a bit after a few choice comments, spinning around to look at Brian with a strange, wild-eyed look that Brian seemed to understand as he grinned and nodded. Moving back to the front of the stage, Adam ignored the VIP section and looked out at his faithful Glamberts.

“You wanna hear a new one?”

The fans went wild in their enthusiasm and he grinned “I mean a totally new one...I only wrote this yesterday so we haven’t even practiced it and it’s my way of asking for forgiveness for hurting someone I lo...” he faltered and stepped back a pace, “someone who means the world to me...”

The first bars of the keyboards had Tommy confused. This wasn’t Shady...he looked around at the others and it seemed that they all knew what was going on except him. Isaac was giving it some real badass drum beat and winked at Tommy when he mouthed “what’s going on?” hastily changing his guitar for the one set up for the supposed ‘band instrumental’ track and picking up the beat just as Adam swung around to stand in front of him, his back to the audience.

With his mic down at his side, Adam reached out with his free hand to stroke Tommy’s hair “forgive me...please...” he said softly, eyes swimming with emotion “I wrote this for you...my Tommy...my Pretty Kitty...” The intro came around again and he gave Tommy a tentative smile before moving over to a full length mirror that had been placed in the middle of the stage, pointing at his own reflection as he began to sing “All you ever think is gimme, gimme, but you never look back...” 

He spun back to Tommy, moving behind him, one hand threading through his pink locks “All I ever do is over-think and drink until I attack...” The look he gave Tommy as he strode back to the middle of the stage to face the audience was pure anguish “we know how to talk it into the ground, we know how to wear it out...” He closed his eyes and reached out “...if we aint goin’ to save it, gonna end up in the grave...”

Two steps and he was back beside Tommy, the audience quiet as mice as they all held their breath, even the non-fans in their VIP section on the edge of their seats. His eyes fixed on Tommy’s “and baby, how do we take back what’s been done, what’s been said? Oh, how do we take back ‘cuz no-one wins when love breaks down...” his heart missed several beats when Tommy smiled on the word love...hope bubbling up inside him as he moved in closer...this was just him and Tommy now...  
“...we both die and I would give anything just to chase the dark away and start all over again... How do we take back what’s been done, what’s been said, oh my...” 

Tommy actually missed several chords as he absorbed the words...this, the man who carried on playing in Amsterdam as Adam snogged his face off... Adam...singing to him...singing a song he’d written for him... 

The smile that Adam gave him had him almost panting, those huge blue eyes blazing with emotion and there was no doubting the sincerity and tenderness as Adam stepped even closer, fingers stroking lightly down the side of Tommy’s face as he continued, “I fed you a fantasy but you been drunk on reality...” I’m gay...you’re straight but I still love you...the message full of regret...

Tommy’s mind replayed their row and the misunderstandings he could’ve averted it he’d been honest with Adam about his ‘more flexible approach to straight’ A mention of an ex-girlfriend and they’d all assumed...and he hadn’t corrected them... All that time with Adam, falling deeper and deeper as he hid his attraction from everyone... “We used to be a jungle, sticky and wild...it used to be we owned the night...” 

Tommy’s head supplied image after image of them; laughing, leaning close, soft touches, casual arms around shoulders, pillow fights as they bounced on that bed in that posh Paris hotel last tour while the others hit the clubs...the longing looks when the other one wasn’t looking...shit, how could they have fucked it up so badly... 

“all the stupid games we’re playing, all the shit that we been sayin’...”

Leaning into the touch, Tommy tried to pour his thoughts into a look, a needy whimper dropping from between softly parted lips as Adam tipped his chin up with a gloved finger and danced away to stand in between Keisha and Reyna as he sang the chorus “...How do we take back what’s been done, what’s been said...how do we take back...”

Tommy’s eyes caught Reyna’s gaze and she nodded, making a heart shape with her fingers...she was encouraging him to go for it – to stake his claim...

He tossed his head in time with the beat as Adam’s voice spiralled higher...that beautiful voice, singing just for him...and he decided – if Adam could do this in front of their Glamily and a massive audience of Glamberts, putting himself on the line, then so could he... 

His heart beating triple time now, knowing what he was about to do was mad...cuckoo even! He smiled to himself and Adam, watching him from where he stood in his vantage point, melted and loved his gorgeous guitarist that little bit more...

Time to end the song and...shit! For the first time since he’d decided on this whole song for Tommy Adam panicked about the reaction...fuckfuckfuck...what if it was rejection... he grimaced as he passed Ashley and she head popped at him, mouthing encouragement... It helped – she was one fierce bass lady and knowing she was on his side...gave him courage to keep fighting for what he wanted...and he wanted Tommy...   
Isaac gave him ‘sticks up’ and Brian nodded towards the reason he was doing this, basically telling him to get his badass over there, finish the song and take whatever was coming...

His eyes locked on Tommy’s now, he covered the stage in a couple of giant steps and dropped to his knees in front of him, his back to the audience he barely registered were there “remember... remember, the first time we collided?” He gulped a breath – this was it... “we lost it...we lost it...” reaching a hand out towards the man he loved with all his heart... “how do we take back?”

The music stopped and the silence was deafening, Tommy’s face reflecting a multitude of emotions as he fell to his knees to bring him level with Adam, grabbed a handful of black lapel and leopard star-print t-shirt as he hauled Adam in for a kiss that sent him spiraling to the heavens – it was hot and sweet and hungry and simply fucking perfect...

The screams of the crowd lifted the roof and they grinned into the kiss, pulling apart briefly as Tommy dragged his guitar off, laying it carefully on the floor beside him before cramming himself back into Adam’s arms for another kiss of epic proportions, hands pulling him in tighter still as tongues explored with possessive intent and the universe imploded. 

Finally coming up for air, they climbed to their feet and faced the audience, both beaming, arms wrapped around each other. They grinned as Brian and the V-Jay-jays launched into an impromptu Beatles quasi cover, singing He loves you, yea yea yea..! 

Tommy blushed as Adam leant closer and whispered into his ear “I do love you, Tommy Joe...for a very long time and I’m sorry for all the hurt and for being a stroppy jealous diva...”

Tommy silenced him with a kiss, sharing his own declaration of love as they parted. He reached down to pick up his guitar and played a soft chord. Adam chuckled and retrieved his mic which had been dropped unceremoniously at some point in their kissing marathon.

They launched into Shady with an explosive burst of energy, the entire audience joining in and dancing – even the VIPs, much to Adam’s delight. A brief “are you having fun? You wanna get sleazy? You think you’re ready?” drawing yet more wild applause and enthusiastic yells before the first bars of Fever sounded and, throwing Tommy a look that screamed loveneedwant, they moved into their old positions. The crowd broke all noise records when they kissed after “would you be mine?” Tommy grabbing the mic to shout “yes!” which brought the roof down!

Hopping happily back to his Kitty Pen, Tommy sang along, tossing his head to the beat. All things considered, Fantasy Springs was shaping up to be an awesome night...

End


End file.
